Thursday, September 27, 2012

And then I found $5....

Ok it wasn't $5 but I did find 5 cents. I remember using that phrase at least 20 times a day in middle school. It was pre- "that's what she said" and all the cool kids said it. Or I thought they did so I said it to be cool but was really just hanging on the outskirts of the cool kid's circle un-welcomed. Oh middle school... my 3 least favorite years.

Back to $.05....

Today I took the kids to the pediatrician. Avery was up at 1am, 2am and from 3am-5am crying so by 8:01, I was on the phone getting an appointment. When they asked me what was wrong I answered  "I'm miserable." That's a symptom, right?! I actually got Parker the appointment because I was being too cheap to get them both seen for the same symptoms and I figured he was "patient 0" since his symptoms started first.

I find it oddly satisfying to shower and not wear yoga pants to the pediatrician... I wouldn't want them to think I didn't have it all together, right?!  So here I am, feeling pretty good about myself in a sea of make-up less, yoga pant adorned, frazzled moms. I may FEEL like that on the inside with 3 hours of sleep but my outsides say "I've got this under control." ...the shaved legs were the icing on my confidence cake.

Avery fell asleep in the car so I strapped her in the Ergo carrier. Not a minute after I walk in the door, Parker and I both "had to go." I let him go first then I, wearing Avery in the Ergo, went as well. Talent... I know... Gross... Yep... but you do what you gotta do. While washing my hands, I start to feel drips down my leg only to discover I had let the strap to the Ergo fall in the toilet and peed all over it. Classic.
I couldn't help myself....
Feeling a little less awesome about myself, I tuck the wet strap in my skirt. It seemed like a good idea at the time. Once in the examination room I convinced the doctor to see both kids on the DL. Parker was a trooper until the throat culture but otherwise a champ. He kept telling the doctor "I'm clean. My ears are clean. My mouth is clean. It's not dirty."  He was trying everything he could to convince the doctor not to look at him as if he's inspecting his cleanliness. Parker's verdict: Allergies... he'll get better in the winter and we'll revisit this next year and talk about allergy shots... G-R-E-A-T...

Avery's turn. I wanted him to look at a small patch of bumps "down there" so I stripped her to her diaper. And then we found $.05. Yes. The child had a nickle chillin' out in the lady area. I can only assume that after our shower this morning and she was running around in her diaper she found that and put it in her diaper. It wouldn't be the first time I found treasures in her diaper but it totally burst my "I've got it together bubble!"Avery's verdict: Allergies, Teething and mild diaper rash, I'm sure not exacerbated at all by a little dirty metal hanging out in her diaper.

Motherhood... never a dull moment! Silver lining... today I saw my 3rd choice pediatrician since my 1st and 2nd choice were doing hospital rounds and off so unless our little nickle on the hooha incident is now in her medical record, my "I've got it together" facade should still be in tact. WHEW!

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