Tuesday, March 3, 2015

Taylor Wise according to Google

It's moving week in the Wise household... which means I'm putting off packing boxes in favor of  watching last Friday's episode of The Blacklist and writing a blog post. I work better under pressure... which sounds better than "I'm procrastinating." 

This morning, I was trolling facebook while trying to convince myself to get out of bed which isn't possible when you've already packed your keurig. There is no motivation to wake up once the coffee is gone. I'm not grocery shopping this week since we're moving out in T minus 4 days. I fed my children cheese its and blueberries for breakfast and I ate last night's jambalaya. I've convinced myself we will make it until Saturday without going to the store but my 8:00am heartburn may win that battle. Lesson learned... never eat kielbasa for breakfast. Anyways, I was playing around on facebook and saw a few people had shared their "What's on your Wikipedia page?" I didn't click on it because I think Daniel will divorce me if I ask him to rebuild my computer for a 13th time due to it's affection for viruses but it did spark my interest.

What would Google say about Taylor Wise? I realize on the vanity scale of Jesus being a 1 and Kim Kardashian being a 10, this falls somewhere in the 8 range but I figured I should know what the internet says about me.

The answer is... Taylor Swift. No matter how I Google myself, the internet says "Did you mean Taylor Swift?"

When I finally got Google to give me non-Taylor Swift photos, here's what the internet had to say about me:

My facebook profile, my blog, where I went to high school and then straight to things that aren't relevant to myself. Nothing too overly exciting, although it did make me ponder what am I (or more like am I not) contributing to society?! Apparently just a measly (occasional) blog of 80 followers and the knowledge that I did, in fact, graduate high school. I'd like to think I'm storing my treasures in heaven because they certainly aren't on Google.

The BEST part of Googling myself were the pages and pages of images... of not me. 
Google got #6 ALMOST right... that is at least Daniel and Parker. Let's talk about Silence of the Lambs and Hoop Mix Tape?! haha I can't even begin to think how those relate to me. My ONLY connection with Britney Spears was when I dressed up as crazy Britney Halloween of 2007. Is Google THAT smart?
 Here are my favorite images of "Taylor Carr Wise" just from page 1 of Google images:
This is the 1 picture on "images of Taylor Carr Wise" that actually IS me!
Don't judge... I obviously was a little heavy handed with the Doritos that month...plus we all know my affinity for overalls.
I sideline as a black man nicknamed "Pit Bull"
I don't always handle my wine with as much class as Olivia Pope. Never let me mix red and white again, please.
When I hopped out of the shower this morning, this is exactly what I saw in the mirror.
Obviously my sister and I engaged in a friendly after dinner wrestling match. Sometimes Kelly doesn't shave her legs for weeks.
I took this one at one of those old timey photo shops in Myrtle Beach.
Sometimes I like to dye my hair pink and go on crime sprees.
This is how I look before I've had my coffee.
So there you have it... Taylor Carr Wise according to Google. I'm certainly feeling super awesome about myself and my contributions to society.

Your turn. Google yourself and post your favorite image of you that's not you in the comments section on facebook. This could be fun!