Thursday, November 29, 2012

Mommy Fail

Do you ever have days where things are just funny... or SO wrong but still worth laughing at? I feel like that's been my last 24 hours. Full of mommy failures that thankfully aren't bad enough to be defining moments in their precious lives (at least I hope not) but that sure make me giggle. I suppose this is sort of along the lines of my confessions from yesterday which always seem to be the most popular blog posts. I'm starting to feel like y'all like to read about my failures.  The good news is, I usually get a fun facebook thread going of yours too which makes airing my dirty laundry SO worth it!

I'll start with last night....

5-7pm are the witching hours.... can I get an amen. The hubs had to work late which meant I was home alone to make dinner, applique 4 shirts by the next morning, pack lunches, bake cookies, get the kids in the tub and to bed alone. I can do it but usually not gracefully. Last night a sweet friend dropped by unannounced to bring me my tastefully simple order.... a bucket of margarita mix.... so clearly she was welcomed with warm hugs and an invitation in.... to find my son in his pajamas eating "breakfast for dinner" aka.... fruity pebbles while playing on the iPad. A fine moment indeed... but it gets worse. Avery spent half our conversation eating her dinner sitting on the kitchen table while I chatted with my friend by my kitchen island which looked like a small sewing sweat shop. Only until she left did I also realize my outfit for the day... bra and undies included were on my counter top  (hold judgement).. because... I tried on a prom dress for my husband in he kitchen while he was rushing out the door for work. It's the truth... I promise... but I can only imagine what she must be thinking.

This morning I went upstairs to start a load of laundry and left Avery (big mistake) downstairs stacking blocks like a baby genius in a cute little Mud Pie outfit. When I returned, I found her pantsless, with the fridge door  open, chowing down on a hot dog. Who doesn't love a cold hot dog at 9:30am? It was one of those "the deed is already done" moments so of course, I snapped a picture... and then confiscated her hot dog... by giving it to the poor dog who waited so patiently for her to drop it.

I turned on a DVRed Curious George episode while I did a fridge clean out. Apparently that was unacceptable viewing material because I later found she had changed the channel to a Jerry Springer episode entitled "I'd rather have sex with her." Whoops. I counteracted it with a quick showing of "Praise Baby.... My Father's World." Obviously the later stuck because when we were at lunch she sang her prayer with great delight and screamed "YAY Jesus!" for all of Qdoba to hear.

Which brings me to my next failure... Avery and I ate Qdoba 2 days in a row for lunch. I unbuttoned my jeans in the process of polishing off my queso burrito. In my defense, I'm wearing my "boots jeans." You know, the pair that makes your legs and butt look GREAT but they may cause mini muffin tops so you wear jackets and tunics to hide that and still look cute? Yeah.. that pair... so I unbuttoned the top button and haven't buttoned it back yet but once again the burrito was life changing and totally worth it. Also life changing is this bag of popcorn from Trader Joes which I've hidden in my house away from the kids. FACT.

Picking up Parker from school can cause me serious anxiety. Lets just say the teachers have been receiving a lot of Starbucks gift cards lately and I've been doing a lot of post-school laundry. Today while in the pick up line, the Christmas Shoes song came on and I immediately changed it. That song is to radio as The ASPCA commercials are to TV... you change it or end up a tearful mess and out $20 from your donation to the first charity you come across. I changed the station to the next button on my preset, picked Parker up, chatted with the teacher about how he's in the pants I sent him to school in (PRAISE the Baby Jesus!) and pulled up to the "buckle up" section.... which is when I realized the lyrics to the song playing were something along the lines of "your Sex is like a paradise." I didn't get the whole gist because I flung myself into the front seat from the back seat to quickly change it back to "Christmas Shoes" but the damage was done... I picked my son up from his Christian preschool at a church to a song about sex.... Fabulous. 

Since I have been totally rocking out motherhood in the last 24 hours, this afternoon will be filled with lots of "Jesus loves me," Pinterest sensory bags and a home cooked meal prepared in a family heirloom apron.... except not really.

My sister and I enjoy texting each other funny pictures... Here is todays:

Got any good mommy fails to share?!

1 comment:

  1. this is post is yet another reason I love your blog & call you a friend. my weekly fails? where to begin:
    1) I made a pan of cinnamon roll bars on Tuesday. I polished them off tonight. a 13x9 PAN PEOPLE!
    2) I set this whole "five gift rule" to keep Christmas from getting out of control. I've continued to buy gifts for Luke and given them to him early so I don't ruin my 5 gift rule.
    3) Today I bought myself four "gifts," including a pair of jeans that is entirely too tight but I refused to buy the next size up.