Rambling Thoughts if an Insomniac

FACT... I have become an insomniac. I'm not sure if it's pregnancy or this sinus infection but I CANNOT SLEEP! I'm tired... very tired... but the pain in my head and under my eyes is SO debilitating, sleep is NOT an option. Avery also enjoys practicing gymnastics between 10pm and 1am. Delightful. She's going to have to figure out the whole day and night thing ASAP because Parker came home from the hospital like a hamster... totally nocturnal and that's just not going to work this time around!

OK.. enough complaining......... wait.... one more...... headache......owie........... OK seriously, DONE.

What have I been up to? Remember that 22 pound turkey I posted about Monday? Yeah, I haven't cooked it yet. I'm never home for 6 hours straight before dinner to cook it! Tomorrow, I have committed to being home all day after 11am and making a delicious (we hope) meal! The silver lining... I have cooked EVERY DAY THIS WEEK! My microwave has had the week off and I'm starting to think it's feeling replaced. I'm probably going to have to make a Stouffer's dinner soon so he doesn't start to resent the oven. My microwave is a he because he is always covered in food splatter even though I always use a paper towel... thus it must be a man.

Have I told you I figured out how to applique and monogram on my sewing machine? I am seriously so proud of myself (insert the "tooting my own horn" sound effect here). It's amazing what you can find on google and YouTube! I was so frustrated trying to figure out these features on my sewing machine that I gave up until a friend told me to just google how to do it... duh! Google is so handy! Remember when we had to "Ask Jeeves?" Jeeves doesn't hold a candlestick to Google!!! Anyways, SOOO proud of myself! If I had the energy to upload pictures of my newest hobby, I would but I'm just too worn out to go find my camera! (Lazy, I know). The good news is if you continue to follow my blog, you will notice that all of Parker and Avery's clothes will slowly become monogrammed! So far, I've successfully done a whale, anchor, flip flops, cupcake, 2 fonts (monograms) and a saying (So what if my bow is bigger than my head!). haha. Fun and productive hobby... love it.

Oh side note: Cam from Modern Family is on The Tonight Show right now... love him... love Modern Family!!!!!!! He's currently discussing waxing and Cameron Diaz just admitted to needing a little waxaroo. Wowzer. I'm not used to watching adult TV... Shrek is about as adult as I've seen in MONTHS thanks to Mr. Parkerman's Barney obsession. EXCITING DEVELOPMENT: He will now tolerate: Shrek, Blue's Clues and 101 Dalmations. You have no idea how thrilling this is!

Second Random Thought: THE Miss. America Pageant is THIS WEEKEND (Saturday at 9pm)!!!!! Get your scorecards ready! You can find them online... not that I would know or anything?!

I apologize for the random trail of thoughts. Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel up to taking pictures of my latest creations AND do a little photo documentation of my 22 pound turkey. We should name him or her.... I haven't checked yet. EWW.. wait... is there going to be "him" parts in there?! Oh Lord.

Scary Turkey

I have this turkey.... this 22 pound turkey that Daniel (my deal seeker of a husband) bought for $8 after Thanksgiving. I put it in the deep freezer and forgot about it (well not really but I'd hoped Daniel had forgotten about it!).  He didn't. He requested (now that's we've finished the 9 pound ham he also bought) that we cook it. Last week I saw snow was heading our way so I figured it would be a good snow day project. I removed it from the deep freeze, put it in the fridge and it's on the menu for tomorrow night.... and for the next 62 nights unless someone else comes and gets some of this turkey!!!!!

Confession: this turkey scares the crap out of me. I don't cook. I microwave. Occasionally I make pasta but even then, I just add stuff to the can of Ragu. I felt pretty accomplished after cooking the ham (who knew you only had to wrap it in foil and bake it?) but I hear turkey preparation is a whole different ball game.  Something about a neck? Gizzards? UGH! I'm TRYING to be a better housewife but I'm not sure gizzard removal falls into my comfort zone. I'd rather clean the toilet once an hour than cook this turkey.

So here's the deal all you ladies (or gentlemen) that somehow find the "joy" in cooking.... what in the world do I do with this 22 pound turkey? How do I cook it? Package it? What do I do with the other 21 pounds after the 1st "Thanksgivingish" meal I guess I'll be preparing tomorrow? Any good turkey recipes? Basically... this is my cry for help to all you domestic goddesses!