The Taylor Wise Guide to Naming a Child

I LOVE baby names! I have a constant running list of names in my head in case I ever find a baby on my doorstep in a basket... or more likely, if I ever get another dog.... or even more likely, to beg Avery to name our 1st grandbaby but you get the point. I'm ready, with a list of precious names for at least 20 grandchildren.

This morning I woke up to the TRAGIC news that Kim and Kayne named their daugther North West. Yes... North West. No middle name... just directions.

I have determined that celebrities have lost their marbles and are doing anything in their power to stay in the news for money. There is NO other rational explaination for the whackadoodle names people are naming their precious babies these days.

Obviously they need some guidence.... I am here with my baby naming services.

You're welcome society.

When naming a child, there are a few questions you need to ask yourself....

1. Is there any way mean kids can make fun of my child for this name? AKA... if you name your daughter Bethany-Jane, know that boys in her middle school class will nickname her BJ.... and that's a heck of a nickname to take to high school if you know what I mean.

2. Is there any negative connotation with this name? Google it.... Is this also the name of a serial killer? If so, I suggest going in another direction. After a Google search, I discovered the moniker we chose for our son was a construction firm in Atlanta, GA.... I was OK with that, but a mass murderer... not so much.

3. Is it the name of an alcohol? You laugh... I have tutored 2 "Tequila's" in my short life. It's just cruel.
4. Is it a curse word? Shithead is not a name you call a child... it's a name you call the baby daddy who bounced on you. Richard is a great name for a 45 year old man.... in high school, you might as well have named your child Dick.

5. Just because you conceived your child in a particular city/state, does not mean you must commerate the day by naming your child "Conneticut." There are obviously socially acceptable "city names" (ie... Charlotte, London, Branson, Dakota, etc) Unacceptable city names include: Cowpens (yes, that is a town in South Carolina), Cancun or Vegas..... but feel free to name your dog that.

6. Be mindful of initials. If the initials spell WTF, ASS, etc might want to pick a different middle name. Don't forget to check how a monogram looks! Whitney Francis Thomas spells WTF in a monogram! You can also use initials and monograms in your favor. I went to Clemson and wanted our son's name to have something to do with Clemson so his initials are PAW, an ode to Clemson's mascot being the tiger.

7. Family names can be great! They can also be daunting. If you want to honor your great grandmother who was your favorite person in the world but her name was Ruthanne Georgette Smith and you don't love that... consider Ruthie or Georgia. Also, if family names are going to equal a family fued, it isn't worth the family drama. For instance, if I wanted to honor our family with a name, I could name a daughter "Amelia" because my entire family is into aviation. Whether they were flight attentants, pilots, plane salesmen or accountants for a airline, Amelia (for Amelia Earhart), would be in honor of our family's livelihood, without singling out a particular person and potentially offending others.

8. Does this name set my child up for success? Could he or she be a Dr? Lawyer? Teacher? Could he or she put it on a resume without it being a hinderance to their abilty to get the job? This, in my opinion is MOST important. Let your child decide who he or she wants to be. If he wants to be a free spirit then maybe he'll go by a nickname later in life. But what if your child desires a more serious career? How many Rainbow Aurora's do you see in med school? Let your child define their name, not their name define the child.

I'm not saying every kid has to be named Henry William Smith or Anna Claire White but it is our job as parents to set our children up for success. To be whoever they want to be. Children are going to get made fun of in their life for something or another but why would you, as a parent, be the source with these awful names?!

So if your name is Pilot Inspektor, Rainbow Aurora, Audio Silence, Buddy Bear, Moon Unit, Heavenly Hiraani Tiger Lily, Moxie CrimeFighter or North West.... I apologize for your parents. They had yet to take my baby naming class.

Are there any other "rules" I missed? What guidelines did you use in naming your child?