Scary Turkey

I have this turkey.... this 22 pound turkey that Daniel (my deal seeker of a husband) bought for $8 after Thanksgiving. I put it in the deep freezer and forgot about it (well not really but I'd hoped Daniel had forgotten about it!).  He didn't. He requested (now that's we've finished the 9 pound ham he also bought) that we cook it. Last week I saw snow was heading our way so I figured it would be a good snow day project. I removed it from the deep freeze, put it in the fridge and it's on the menu for tomorrow night.... and for the next 62 nights unless someone else comes and gets some of this turkey!!!!!

Confession: this turkey scares the crap out of me. I don't cook. I microwave. Occasionally I make pasta but even then, I just add stuff to the can of Ragu. I felt pretty accomplished after cooking the ham (who knew you only had to wrap it in foil and bake it?) but I hear turkey preparation is a whole different ball game.  Something about a neck? Gizzards? UGH! I'm TRYING to be a better housewife but I'm not sure gizzard removal falls into my comfort zone. I'd rather clean the toilet once an hour than cook this turkey.

So here's the deal all you ladies (or gentlemen) that somehow find the "joy" in cooking.... what in the world do I do with this 22 pound turkey? How do I cook it? Package it? What do I do with the other 21 pounds after the 1st "Thanksgivingish" meal I guess I'll be preparing tomorrow? Any good turkey recipes? Basically... this is my cry for help to all you domestic goddesses!