Midweek Confessional

It's been a while since we've done some confessing! I hope you'll join with me by commenting below or on the fb thread where I post my blog!

Ok... lets dive in....

1. As you may know, we're on a pretty strict new diet since Parker was diagnosed with food allergies. We're still trying to figure it all out and it's a big learning curve. I've definitely made some mistakes but I'm now working with a nutritionist to help me out. While we were on the phone with each other yesterday, she mentioned food I need to purge from my pantry to "heal our bodies" such as coffee.... which I was consuming while on the phone with her and alcohol.... which I enjoyed a glass (or 2) of when the kids went to bed.... so I'm off to a great start...

2. When Parker is in school, I consume a weeks worth of carbs. Today, Avery and I stopped by Qdoba for lunch and it was so good I took a picture of my burrito that weighed about as much as Avery. I believe the phrase "just smoother it in cheese sauce" may have been spoken while I was ordering. I ate every bite and regretted not adding chips and queso to my order.

3. I'm TERRIBLE at Elf on the Shelf.... he's currently riding our knife set. Totally appropriate, right?! I have also "tanned" him on the toaster, hung him upside down on the chandelier and made it look like he was stealing Parker's fruit snacks. The only problem is that I forget to do it most nights so I'm always telling Parker "looks like you've got a few more minutes to make a good impression on him before he goes and tells Santa!" Then, when P isnt looking, I move him.  I'm pretty sure I'm ruining the magic of this little game by constantly forgetting. BUT.... lets be honest... Parker is still totally uninterested in Santa. He thinks Santa is what you call the inflatables in people's yards. He thinks mommy and daddy give him presents on Christmas because it's Jesus' birthday and for some reason Jesus gives his birthday presents to Parker. He doesn't quite have the concept down yet but that's alright with me!

4. I don't floss... ever.... I went to the dentist this week and thanked her for my every 6 month flossing. I'm not sure she was amused but maybe she was charmed by my honesty.

5. Speaking of the dentist.... y'all know I'll befriend a brick wall so the hygienist and I were chatting since the TVs were down (ie.... the only good reason to go to the dentist.... 45 mins of non-cartoon TV!) and we discovered we're neighbors. She dropped by prom dresses for me to try on for a party I'm going to this weekend and we talked for an hour. I'm very pleased to have a new friend even if it does mean I feel pressure to floss... I've also discovered that I am no longer a "junior" and prom dresses and I aren't friends. I'd also like to add that brides are evil because I've been trying on my fair share of borrowed bridesmaids dresses in hopes that one won't be awful and it's just not the case. No, we won't be able to "wear them again!"  Where do you wear a satin lavender, floor length, side ruched dress, bride?  No where!

6. Back to our elf... we named him Lester... Lester Lester the Child Molester to be exact.... and I wish it hadn't "stuck" but it did. We had a very sweet moment on Thanksgiving where we read the book and explained the elf and asked the kids to name him. Avery so sweetly said "Jesus" which is what she calls every man. Parker said "no thanks!" because Christmas isn't his thing until he gets a present or Christmas cookie. Daniel announced that he looks like a pedophile which is sadly true... he's a creepy little thing and the concept of him staring at you all day is a little peeping Tomish. That spun off it's own conversation of calling him Chris Hanson (to catch a predator... remember that show?... "I'm just here to be a father figure and the beer and condoms are totally not for her.." Yeah right creepo...) Anyways... that spun into Lester Lester the child molester and then Parker picked up "Lester".... Whoops. Why couldn't we have named him something cute like "Jingle" or "Elvis" or "Buddy".... anything but LESTER!

 What did you name your elf? Do you have any good ideas other than sitting him on your knives because clearly I've got that one covered.

Your turn!